


There is all that redness inside of me - SBI Family fic

by netherwrong



Category: mcyt
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Family Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Harm to Children, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 10:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30020562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/netherwrong/pseuds/netherwrong
Summary: Tommy enteres his Fosterhome and is greeted by two older boys fighting each other with pillows, unaware of the fact that his dad had decided to bring a new child home.Shortly after, he learns that both of them struggle in their own ways, but with that he also finds a system of love and support.Welcome to the up's and down's of the Watsom Family and their three traumatised children.TW's:- panic attacks- selfharm- screaming/arguing- attempted suicide- smoking
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Ao3,  
> this fic is a rework of my fic called "the house is cold" that I obanded, and will be finished tonight ! So stay tuned :]

"I dont want to be fostered" Tommy complained to the homes Worker, as he threw his belongings into the bag he was gifted a few christmases prior. The Homeworker sighned - Tommy was aware of how much Nina was struggeling with him. He knew she did her best, but he also knew that within a week, he would turn up again on her doorstep. Maybe with new bruises, maybe with a broken heart. "Tom, I promise you this time will be different - I know that the man is a good one, he already fostered two children he adopted." Tommy shrugged as a grin grew over his face "With animals they called that a failed foster" Nina sighed at the joke "Be downstairs in 20 minutes, I'll be discussing the details with him." "Make sure you sell me real good, maybe hell pay you more than five cents." 

When he entered the room 20 minutes later, it fell quiet. "Tommy, please take a seat next to Phil" The older man smiled at Tommy, who shot him a glare. He wanted it to show him that he did not believe his play. The blonde knew how friendly Foster Parents could pretend to be - often times Tommy thought about suggesting a acting career to the ones that would switch as soon as night hit, yet he kept his mouth shut. In his eyes, Phil was doing nothing but that, when he held out his hand, Tommy still shook it, and when Phil discussed pay with Nina, he buisied himself with the art on the wall. The brit instantly knew he hated Phil, he hated him as much as cold walls of the foster home, he hated the warmth in Phil's eyes as he smiled at him. He hated how quiet the room was when Phil read through his files and how loudly Nina explain that he was a problematic kid, yet "lovely" kid.  
The blonde never saw himself as a problematic child - he found it quiet easy to get along with himself. The problem arrouse with the people around him, when theyre warm eyes would turn to stare coldly at him - days in which raised hands taught him to flinch. He knew that the quiet would be filled with screams in no time, that the bed would be hard and that one day, he would be returned again.  
That was the foster system, the lies and the plays of adults wanting the extra cash of caring for a child they didnt seem to care for - he just knew.   
Nina was lovely when she wanted to - and when she needed, but when Tommy was upset, there was no stopping his mouth or his mind from expressing what he thought. "If you would be trying to sell me, I think you'd be doing an exellent job right now" Tommy commented, and while he felt fear dwell up in his stomach, he was never one to hold himself from speaking what was on his mind. "Tom." she said, dissapointment making its way onto her face. "I'm just saying, I would buy myself." The man, or for lack of better word his new foster father just stared back and forth inbetween Nina and Tommy, a smile plastered onto his face.   
"So Tommy, you got everything you need?" Tommy nodded quietly, not having the mind to put efford into appealing to Phil - he rather show his colors early, then surprise Tommy the second he felt comfortable.  
On the car ride to the new place, the warmth didnt leave Phils eyes for one second. "So Tommy, yeah? You have a british accent" Tommy scuffed as he turned his eyes from the window to face his new foster father. "Obviously." - "My youngest, Wilbur also is from britian. Did you live there for a long time?" Tommy eyed the old man with a bit more than suspicion, wondering about what exactly his goal was with the conversation they were having. "I moved here when I was young, but I think the accent stuck." "Same with Wilbur I think, though your is slightly different" Phil smiled at Tommy for a split second, before glueing his eyes to the road again. The older knew how to deal with foster children - yet he was as nervous as always. He wanted Tommy to feel comfortable, but he knew that the 15 year old wouldnt trust him if his life depended on it just by how he glared at Phil whenever he tried to spark a conversation. "So, you can call me Phil. Some children refer to their foster parents differently, but I'd rather you treat me like a friend" Tommy nodded, and Phil took notice on the way the youngest held himself while he spoke. Tommy's files talked about a history of abuse, and about how the boy kept swearing at adults. While the files classified this as "trying to piss of the adults" as Phil would say, he choose to believe that Tommy did this as some sort of giving himself comfort, maybe even scarring people off to protect himself. "We have 2 boys, Techno and Wilbur - they are both 16 and have been living with me for three and one years. They tend to be wild, so if they are too much for you, just shoot me a glare and I will make sure they calm down." Cold creept its way up Tommys arms as he felt his stomach turn - Phil drove silently, not aware of how the words had been interpreted by the blonde sitting next to him. "Okay, I will."  
Phil nodded, and as the conversation came to an end, Phil parked the car. Tommy, being quick on his feet, escaped the car with ease and looked around the house.  
It had two stories, was surrounded by what seemed to be a forest and made Tommy believe that he found himself in the new cast of a childrens horror tale - may the wolf be his new foster father, ready to eat the boy with the red sleeved shirt before pretending to be his grand mother.  
They approched the door, but before Phil was even able to open said door, a shattering sound halled through the house and into Tommys ears. Before he could even think about what to do, Phil had ran in. Tom came to the conclusion that instead of standing there until he returned, he shall follow the man to avoid being in trouble for not following him inside.  
The scene infront of him, was anything but the thing he expected - 2 teenagers, one with shoulder long, pink hair and glasses, dressed pretty casually in a sweater and what appeared to be skinny jeans, laying ontop of another teenager with curly hair, dressed in the same way. They appeared to be fighting - with pillows.   
The smashed glass, on the floor, next to them.   
"Phil-" the pink haired said, as he pushed his brother off of him "We didnt think you'd return, so..fast."   
The brown haired now finally realised what situation he had found himself in, quickly got up, formed his hands into some kind of finger guns and smiled awkwardly at the old man next to Tommy.   
"Ayyee Phil my dude" he shuffeled closer to Phil "looking good today! Got a new haircut?"   
Phil, who had been searching for words this whole time, just starred at the two younger ones, until to Tommys surprise - he bursted out in laughter.   
Not a trace of anger in his eyes, or his stance - but tears leaving his eyes from the amount of laughter he had to deal with. Phil turned to Tommy after he retrained himself, and put an arm around Wilbur, pulling him closer.  
"Welcome home, Tommy."


	2. Connecting through smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: underaged smoking
> 
> Wilbur and Tommy are alone and chat for a bit

When Tommy work up the next day, the house didnt greet him with loud screams and cold walls, but rather with quiet and peace. The birds chirped outside and the sun hit Tommys face in a temperature that was just right. From downstairs he could make out dull talking. As he lifted himself out of bed, he breathed in deeply, trying to enjoy the feeling of safety for as long as he could. Shortly after, he made his way downstairs, instantly being greeted by Phil, who looked like he had been making himself ready to go somewhere. "Goodmorning Tommy" Wilbur nodded to the chair next to him, and Tommy instantly made his way to said chair. "I have to work today, but both you and Wilbur are off school. Techno's already off to there, so if you need anything, Wilburs gonna help you out" "What if I run away?" Tommy couldve slapped himself right then and there. It was a bad habit he craved to get rid off - speaking before taking just one second to think lead to situations where even he was suprised about what left his mouth. Phil's face switched from calm to concerned within seconds, but it was Wilbur who spoke up before the older got the chance "I will tackle you to the ground and bind you to the trees outside, I'm 6'5, believe me I can do that" the casualty of the worda raised concern in Tommys stomach, but it flattend a bit whem he noticed Wilbur smiling into his coffee while getting scolded for his comment by Phil.   
When Phil left the house, awkwardness filled the air. "So, youre from britian?" Tommy nodded.  
"Do you smoke?" "Am I getting arrested for something?" Wilbur giggled as he grabbed into the sides of his jacket, onky to pull out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, handing one cigarette to Tommy. "I dont know, are you a snitch?" Slowly, Tommy grabbed onto the little sticks, and watched carefully as Wilbur took a drag from his own - skilled, might Tommy add. He didnt cough, or even flinch. "How long have you been smoking?" he lit his own cigarette "Maybe 2 years, I dont remember. I think I started when I was around 14" Tommy nodded, taking a drag from the lit up stick. "Now that we smoked togheter, we are technically best friends, so Tommy, tell me something" Tommy didnt know what it was - the fact that his foster brother was smoking with him on the table their dad just sat 5 minutes ago, the way that Wilbur spoke or the way he made him feel - but Tommy felt save. He felt save and he hated it. "What are you planning to do Wilbur?" The older twitched a bit, being caught offguard. "You think I wanna fuck you over?" "Most definitly." Wilbur searched for eyecontact with Tommy, who gladly held it, the competition he found in thr other brought him more joy than it should have. "Did you get fucked over alot?" "Answer my question." "Did you ever talk to a therapist?" "Excuse me?" Now Tommy was the one to be caught offguard, losing the eyecontact battle as he felt something in his chest sink to his stomach. "You mistrust me, and I do not think youre stupid at all, but if you think realistically: How would me smoking with you be a good way to fuck you over?" Tommy starred at the table as he felt Wilburs eyes on him. He stayed silent for a bit, thinking about the possibility of logic he just was proposed with. "I'm Tom, 15 and I didnt live in England that long, if you want to know that." Tommys eyes were greeted with a smile. "Well hello Tom, i'm Wilbur and 16. I am the official least favoritr child, but maybe we can change that" Wilbur kicked Tommys.leg gently, signalling that he was joking around. "Dont worry about it Toms, being Phils favorite kid is not archivable. Techno is a straight A student, plays music and does chores like his live dependet on it" Wilbur took another drag from the cigarette in his Hand, and Tommy took note of how red his knuckles appeared. "I'm pretty sure that Phil doesnt know I smoke, or he does not care. But he is smart, he sees alot. So if you do anything illegal, better hide it, you know?" "Yeah, we dont want the old man to have a heart attack." Wilbur leaned closer to Tommy, resting his arms on the table. "I like you, Tommy" the just mentioned starred back with a looked of a mixture of "ah, im glad" and "is he trying to flirt with me", "thank you." Wilbur dramatically grabbed his sweater om the spot that his heart was supposed to be, and leaned back into his chair. "So heartless!" he exclaimed loudly, and Tommy couldnt help but laugh at how dramatic the situation suddenly appeared.  
Maybe Wilbur was quiet a character, and maybe Tommy liked him for that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I'm really not happy with this one ,_,)  
> Tommy has a panic attack

The day passed quietly, with Tommy spending most of the day in his room, putting his belongings into the places he found most fitting for them.   
The house was quiet and peaceful, but his head screamed at him. The little voice in the back of his head would not quiet down, no matter how many times he would whisper to himself _"please stop", _the voices wouldnt listen.  
His head was filled with nothing but regret as he slipped into a paniced state of paranoia. The walls seemed to high to climb and his legs welt too weak to carry him, so he resigned to laying on the floor, not worrying about the comfort that a bed might would provide. _Had he trusted too much? Would they just throw him out again the second they got the chance to? _His mind began to spin, as he felt like was slowdancing with the negative side of his being, slowly but surely they lead the way. Not to a beat, not to a reason, but they lead both of them. When the sun slowlyade its way down the horizen, he didnt care. When the door slowly opened however, his mind decided that maybe this was the sign to snap out of it.  
"Tommy?" Phil starred at the lanky teen, who had been laying on his stomach for approximately 4 hours now. He saw something in Tommy's expression move from completely empty, dull eyes, to utter fear. The blond pushed himself up in record time, just to inch close to the nearest wall and hold himself. He put his head on his legs, as his nails clawed their way into his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Phil I'm sorry" the older man was sure that he felt something in his heart break a little. The boy infront of him seemed so small and so utterly afraid, shaky breaths and muttered apologys filling the room quickly. "Hey Tom, there is nothing to apologize for" Phil kneeled next to him, hesitant to touch the younger. "You have not done anything." Tommy began to sob, attempting to pull himself even closer to himself. He felt exhausted. "I'm sorry Phil I dont know" he attempted to take a deep breath, yet failed and choked on his own spit "I dont know why I feel like this". "Youre having a panic attack, Tommy" Tommy's eyes slowly searched for Phils. They were full of warmth, so warm that Tommy thought he could burn himself on them. Just as Tommy thought that he felt himself calm down, the overwhelming feeling crashed onto him again. _Theyre gonna put you back into the system. One wrong step and you'll be gone. Totally, they already despise you, with you sitting here and crying your eyes out _  
Phil slowly reached out for the taller, laying his hand on Tommys shoulder. While Tommy shook a bit at the touch, at least he didnt scream, so Phil decided to slowly stroke the younger. In his most reassuring voice, he talked to the boy, repeated words again and again until the shaking finally stopped, and Tommy found his way into reality again. "Are you tired?" Tommy nodded, crying always exhausted him. "Go to sleep Tommy, its alright." Phil slowly stepped away from the blond, who had set himself up and walked over to the bed, only to flop himself onto it. His eyes burned, and he was sure that by tomorrow his lids would be swollen. "If you need anything, I'm downstairs, alright?"______


	4. The day you attempted to leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur attempts to kill himself (graphic)

Phil was a loving father.   
Everyone you would ask would agree to that. But Phil was a young and naive father as well - Adopting his first kid at 29, thinking that he knew how to handle them. He didnt lack love, he never did. He would move mountains for his children and get them anything they asked for, yet he underestimated how easy it was for him to miss some signs. As well as that, he had no idea how to handle panic attacks, or general sadness of his children, so he usually would sit beside them and wait for it to pass. Phil never liked being in the house aswell - as soon as the kids turned 14, he would spend his time away from home, leaving behind responsibility.  
Maybe this is why it wasnt Phil, who caught onto what went down in the house, but rather Techno.  
On multiple occasions he had caught his younger brother being _too obvious _.  
It was not only the way thd kitchen would smell of smoke, or the way Wilbur himself would smell aggressively of whatever Axe deodorant they were sporting at home this week - but the way he talked, the way he spend his nights more outside than at home and expecially the way he started to slowly disappear. __

__The first time Techno suspected something was up, was when Tommy lived with them only a week. He had been a quiet child, Techno hadnt had the chance to talk to him yet, and Wilbur had stayed at home from school, complaining about some sort of headache. Their conversations went as always, until Wilbur brought up the topic. "What do you guys think happends after we die?" Phil looked up from his spoon, eyeing Wilbur for a second "Where did that thought come from?" Wilburs eyes slipped away to the side as his face lighted up in a slight shade of red. "'been thinking about religion alot" Tommy continued to eat, doing his best at sitting straight and only answering questions when he himself was asked. "I dont think anything happends" the sound of scraping a bowl with your spoon filled the room as Phil emptied his. "What about you Will?" the asked simply shrug. "Dont know yet."_ _

__The second incident happend outside. Techno, Tommy and Wilbur had been living togheter for half a year now, and Tommy had warmed up to them quickly, clinging onto Wilbur like he would dissapear the second he left his eyesight. They were walking outside their home, through the woods while Tommy happily explained the story of how he had met a boy named Tubbo after both of them were send out of their different classes for being too loud. Techno did his best to seem like he was listening, but something more important caught his eyes. While Wilbur had inspected the trees, he had started to articulate, raising his arm to reveal something Techno wouldve been fine not knowing. A far too deep, red would glowed against Wilburs grayish skin, the ones you only found if you looked for an cutter with experience. He had only seen them at his therapists place once, with a girl who was covered in them and glared sharply when he smiled.  
"Toms, if you could choose how to die, how would you do it?" "I simply wouldnt, I'm too strong to die." Wilbur chuckled "No, but like if you really had to." Tommys eyes met Technos, a questioning glare met a worried one. "Dont know, never thought about dying." The brown haired simply hummed, climbing over a tree on the floor, like the conversation had meant nothing to him. _ _

__Maybe Techno shouldve said something.  
Explained it to his father, who truely never was great help, or ask Tommy, who seemed to naive to understand.  
They were all incredibly bad options, and Techno truely knew that they would have changed nothing.  
But maybe Tommys scream wouldnt have felt this bad.  
Maybe he wouldnt have felt as sick at the sight of what his brother did to himself. _ _

__The day as repetitive as every other, waking up, going to school, coming home, helping Tommy with homework and wondering when Wilbur would show up so they could start making food.  
When he did, the food was already finished, so they sat down and began talking about their days. "You know what guys?" Wilbur had asked into the round "I love all of you" "ew, the fuck?" Tommy shot back, for which he recieved a kick under the table and a giggle from Wilbur himself. "No, I mean it. You guys are the best." "I'm glad you feel that way" Phil answered, seemingly proud. All Techno could think about was, how happy Will had seemed the last few days. Maybe he was doing better. Maybe it was over. _ _

__At 10pm, they all wished each other goodnight.  
At 1am, Tommy was woken up by the sound of sobbing coming from the bathroom door. He slowly had made himself sit up and walked over. His eyes had taken a while to get used to fhe darkness, and he felt something wet on the carpet, comung from under the door. "Wilbur?" Tommy flicked the light switch, and his eyes were met with a bright red liquid, spread over the brown carpet, already drying on the sides while more seemed to slowly spread out. For a moment, he just stood still, and then he screamed.  
Techno nearly instantly ran out of his room, only to be met with the same sight. He pushed Tommy to the side, who then curled up to a ball, holding himself like he always used to. "Wilbur, open the fucking door." no response came from the other side. "Tommy, please go downstairs and tell Phil to call an ambulance" Tommy seemed far away, and for a second Techno feared that the youngest was too far to understand him, but he slowly got up, then bolted downstairs. While that, Techno quickly had made his way into the spare room across the hallway and grabbed the second key for the bathroom door, that his dad would use when he accidentally locked himself in as a child. He opened the door only to be met with something he wouldve rather never seen.  
The blood as sprayed onto the walls, blood dripping down slowly and leaving stains on the white tiles. The floor seemed to be filled with blood very closely to where the door was, and laying there was his younger brother. Beside him what seemed to be bottles of alcohol and a razor in his hand. His breaths were shallow, and while he didnt move an inch, his eyes screamed of a mixture of panic and exhaustion. They met Techno's who stood frozen for a few seconds, until he kneeled down and grabbed the nearest towl to rab around the youngers arm. _"I'm sorry Will" _Techno whispered sorry, holding the arm in one hand, and stroking through Wilburs hair with the other. Tears spilled out of the older, as he continued to softly speak to Wilbur, begging him to stay awake just a little bit longer.___ _


End file.
